I just had to breathe in the Holy Spirit, and exhale contentment. Today my new beginning began. I turned 49. It doesn't look as good as 48 did, with my sassy blonde and red faux hawk, then again, I had a long full day, and by the time I took this selfie I was ready for bed.
One thing I wanted to capture was the truth of where I was in the moment. I mean the larger picture. What am I feeling soul deep? Where is God and what is he doing? And what am I opening my heart to? Those are my essential questions.
So I prepare to take the picture. My eyeliner is smudged beneath my eyes from happy tears off and on today. Don't know why I was so weepy.
There is a bright light above me. It soften the focus and unbalances the photo, but i don't care. I can tell these portraits will be an exercise in radical self-acceptance.
I forgot to put on lipstick after Mass, and never remembered to all day. This is me, obese and tired, tattooed and content. Good and not so good. Human.
My family swirls around me, and for a moment I think someone--my gorgeous daughter taking her own selfies, or my son pacing the floor--is going to photo bomb me, but I only capture myself. An honest face. A woman who simply wants to live.
Hello 49. You feel as comfortable as my favorite jeans--soft, and a good fit. I hope I wear you well.
God is with me. I feel his presence. He is as quiet and reassuring as a hug.
All I want is a well worn Bible, a life of deep and creative prayer, and more of him.
It's good to be alive. I open my heart to life.
I love you, friend.