Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Or Not

So. In the last few days I've gotten many warm sentiments from you, and a few surprising connections. For example, a wonderful new friend has emerged I never would have met had not this blog been here introducing me to people I would have never known otherwise. I'm eager to explore this new potential relationship. Oddly, this person who enjoyed my blog contacted me via Facebook. Oh the joys of social media. A dear lovie--hi Heidi!--urged me not to isolate myself from the people who love me. Another--hi Patricia!--helped me to remember that my archives have blessed a lot of people who have stumbled upon these words. I wanted to hide. I wanted to reinvent myself. I wanted to runaway from all that is me. But the truth is, removing myself from the net won't take away a bit of the pain I'm in. It won't heal the broken relationship I wonder will ever recover (I doubt it, I'm sorry to say). And it won't assuage the fears I have about my future without this person, such a big part of my life, in it. So here I am, at least today. Nothing heroic. No promises; just you and me. I'm the one in sackcloth and ashes, with one running shoe on. If you don't mind it, well... okay. I'm sorry for Monday's drama.

mair

18 comments:

Lisa said...

sackcloth and ashes with one running shoe on made me smile. and wondering if a broken relationship will ever recover, and fearing a future without it is something I understand so very deeply, and have walked and am to some extent walking. so that just made me pray harder. I'm glad that, for today at least, you're still here :)

Amy said...

Glad to hear it! I love your blog and I love your honesty. Thanks for being willing to come back in whatever limited way. :)

Nedra Smith said...

Hang in there. Just take good care of yourself, and move at your own pace. Blessings!

Criss said...

Glad you've decided to stay (at least for now).

Take care :)

Bella Scarlett said...

I'm glad you have reconsidered. Maybe we can help you through this. We all have wounds and scabs all over us from the breaking. We comfort others with the comfort He has given ...

Kay Day said...

I'm so glad you're staying. I didn't want to tell you what to do, but I really wanted you to stay.

Heidi Renee said...

i'm not sorry at all - we needed to know how bad it was, and you needed to know how much we all love you. let it be what it is and you will find the way through - of all i know of you from your story you are more than able to navigate this storm. you are not alone love.

Renee said...

so glad to hear that God put the right people in your path so that we'll still 'hear' from you online

MaryAnn M said...

this totally made me laugh.
one running shoe on...LOL

ah blessed YOU!
you dont have to be fearful or worry about the future...you just need Jesus NOW...for today.
to remind you of your own title
God Alone is Enough :-)

i understand the pain of relationships gone awry
i understand the rawness of it all

but...i am glad that you are choosing to stand with people who are willing to let you be real and raw and cry and shout and still hold your hand and rub your shoulder and make you tea (even if its cyber-tea)

its gonna be alright
different
but alright

hugs

Marti Pieper said...

So I hadn't visited you for a while
and I decided to come tonight
and I think Jesus maybe, just maybe
thinks you are indeed both diva and ragamuffin
and his tears are overflowing on your behalf
and he has not a single doubt about you and

I just love you.

I ache for your pain. I'm asking Him to slide the running shoe off and wash your feet oh-so-tenderly, to replace the sackcloth with his best and newest robe.

At the right time, Mair, you will dance again.

LOVE!

Brenda said...

Joyful that you are staying, in whatever capacity you choose, you have been a blessing to me. I think of you whenever I exercise, and Brennan Manning, Lord have mercy on a sinner like me. Abba, I belong to you. Father, I stretch my hand to thee............this is a selfish prayer for you and me.............

PatriciaW said...

SMILE

GailNHB said...

sometimes drama is exactly what we need to engage in so that we can emerge on the other side with a new level of energy and understanding and resolve. sometimes tears and withdrawal and rest and silence are the best medicine for whatever ails you.

even if you decide to step back and stay back for a while, you will not be forgotten or forsaken, my distant friend. you are my favorite ragamuffin, girl.

S o L o said...

Glad you've changed your mind b/c I just discovered your blog! I recently read Murder, Mayhem & a fine man. Loved it! ordering the next two in the series! looking forward to what's next for Amanda Bell Brown & Mr. Jazz...Praying you remain encouraged during this season. And the knowledge of your words helping people aids you in your storm. You are Blessed!

Dee Hines said...

Mair, I am so glad you decided to stay. I get so much encouragement from the realness of your writing. I will be sitting at my computer shaking my head (like you can see me) going mmm hmmm girl. Tell the truth and shame the devil. Oops did the pentecostal slip out? I'm a bapticostal now but the pentecostal wants to drive the bus at the Baptist church. whew hoo. Anyhoo, I've never met you in person but I love you and your words. You are a blessing among women, when I'm at work (I'm currently student teaching in an elementary school)I will get away at lunch to read your words. I know without a doubt I will be encouraged,uplifted or challenged in some way. And every time it's all good and just what I need at that moment. You are one of God's instruments thanks for allowing Him to use you mightily.

Danielle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danielle said...

I've read your blog off and on over the last couple of years. Many of your posts have touched me. This one and the one preceeding it resonated deeply with me. On September 9th of this year, I suffered a devastating loss. The first of it's kind for me. At the time I was on Facebook but not fanatically. I don't have a blog or a Twitter. FB was my only social media spot. However, immediately after the loss, I closed down my FB. I still haven't reactivated it and not sure if I ever will. Seeing these posts that grapple with whether you tuck yourself away or stay on the scene speaks volumes to me. I still don't really understand why closing my FB account has been a part of my grieving process nor why it was important for me to do it, but it was. It blesses me to know that someone else out here is contemplating whether they should stay 'social' or not during a time of great loss; I'm not the only one to considered this type of retreat. I find beauty in your decision to stay even though you may feel that you don't have anything profound to contribute right now. Still...I look forward to gaining strength from whatever God says to and through you in this season. Blessings to you my sister.

Roar said...

I just happened upon your blog and am so glad you did not take it down. I took mine down a long time ago due to cyberstalkers and I regret it every day.

hugs