So, I started this job at the end of August. I actually really like the job, but here's the thing. Since I've been working--three weeks and one day, and pardon my graphic details--I've had a bladder infection so bad I peed a horror movie; that's one day off; a debilitating migraine; a half day off; went out of town for a trip I planned prior to getting the job (and I got sick there); a day off for travel; the sickness turned into a sinus and ear infection; two days off; had a bad reaction to the antibiotics I took for said sinus and ear infection; more than half a day off; which caused me to get sick and dehydrated, and yesterday I had another debilitating migraine in which I almost fainted on the job in a classroom with four one year olds. My co-workers called the paramedics, so I went to the ER; another day off! Do the math, lovies! And I still have a headache! I still feel sick, but at least I'm plenty hydrated now.
More naked truth: I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. I'm afraid I don't have a work to go to. I'll be tapped on the shoulder right after circle time and told, "This isn't working out." Trust me. I noticed. It's not working so great for me either!
I had an "episode" on Friday night/Saturday morning. I didn't sleep but an hour, and had a 7 am training to attend. All night I fought a monster of depression that insisted that I was too defective to do anything but write. "Defective! Defective! Defective!" it roared. "You can't work; this job is an epic fail, and you're going to get put out of your home again." I totally freaked out. I can't even tell you how bad it was. Seriously. I can't tell you, and I tell you a lot. Of course, I had a med change, and powerful antibiotics were wrecking havoc in my system, but you've gotta admit, all I described, back to back, that's just overload. I'm soooo tired. I want to help my family. I need to help my family, but this whole working thing is looking like an epic fail, and I'm feeling like an epic fail. I don't write that well, not enough to compensate for the potential loss of a job in a tough economy, even if it is minimum wage!
Oh, Lord. What am I gonna do? I spent the day in the hospital. I don't even know if I should go to work tomorrow or rest.
Thanks for listening to my rant.