Okay, so I'm totally stalled here. Blogging is my last ditch effort to climb out of depression instead of just lying down, but I must tell you, climbing out of depression is ridiculously hard. It's like saying, "snap out of it," to yourself, when you know good and well you can't snap anything, much less out of anything. Depression is the great numb-er. But I do have to live. I choose to live, and if I choose life, I may have to do a fine imitation of the living.
Yesterday, when I finally did sleep and wake up, I said I'd do 3 things. Three things are better than the nothings I have been doing. I don't really remember what they were now, but I suspect one thing was to get out of bed. Not only did I get out of it, I washed my bed linens. Nothing like fresh bedding to climb back into when you've exhausted yourself by getting out of bed and washing sheets and a comforter. I got dressed, too. This was a glorious triumph!
I know it sounds silly to talk about my three things as if they were a big deal, but if you've ever gone through a major depressive episode, you know I'm not exaggerating. I have to do three more things today. Oh, I can start by getting out of bed (once I finally get some sleep), but I also have do different stuff. I'd like to finish my friend Frederica's book. We'll be talking about it here in a few days (heaven help me!) I have to complete a project I've been tinkering with for over a year for someone. I feel sooo guilty that I haven't finished it. And it will be good to get it done, and into his hands. That will be one less weight to carry. Beyond that, who knows? I guess we'll see what the day brings.