He sighed, likely expecting drama. "Yes?"
"I saw myself reflected in a store window. Did you know my butt is ENORMOUS!?!"
"Ken, are you there?"
"Did you know that?"
He hesitated. "Yes."
"And you didn't say nothin'?"
"And catch a beat down?"
"Well, it would have depended on how you said it."
We hung up after that.
I decided it was time to be brave and borrow the ever talented Gywnnie's (Lisa's youngest) tape measure, and after some internet checking, tonight Abbie and I figured out how to take my measurements. Um... I will not share those measurements
I have to admit. I was discouraged. For a moment I believed I couldn't do this. I must be making progress, because even at that low point I didn't reach for the hostess cupcakes (we still have them, because I'm not stuffing my face with them!), and then I decided to keep going, even if I myself don't believe it today.
Last night at Mass we heard the story of David and Goliath. Nobody believed that little thing was really going to defeat a ginormous life-long warrior, not even the prophet. But David set Saul straight:
"The Lord who rescued me from the claws of lion and bear" David said ‘will rescue me from the power of this Philistine." It was then, and only then, that Saul said, "Go, and the Lord be with you!"
Lovies, the Lord has definitely rescued me from the claws of a lion, and I'll tell you about him later. He's rescued me from a bear, too. But I'm afraid that bear was my own self-destructive tendencies. But David trusted in the Lord. What struck me most was how David set out with God, a big stick, and five smooth stones tucked in his shepherd's bag (don't get me started on that symbolism).
I may be a big gal, but I'm tiny as I face this task of reducing weight, and trust me, my own body feels like my Goliath, whether or not this is a healthy attitude. It's just the truth of how I feel. I think grace is my big stick, but at Mass, I asked myself what are my five smooth stones, the other weapons I'll take with me to meet my giant. I've come up with these, and I doubt any of them will be a surprise to you.
Smooth stone #1 (and keep in mind, I started out with God): Living a sacramental life. This means I go to Mass to get that whole, "Take this and eat thing down. I can't lose sight of the fact that Jesus wants me to eat. In fact, he wants me to feast! On him! My overeating has been a spiritual matter, and I'll recover by spiritual means, which will in turn affect my body and soul. Mass has every kind of spiritual food, not just the Eucharist, but also the Word. And it has people. They too are bread, sweet and life-giving.
Smooth stone #2: Prayer, in whatever way God moves me to pray. It may be the Liturgy of Hours, the Serenity Prayer, the Jesus Prayer, or praying with paper, scissors, and glue. It could be imaginative prayer, which you'll be seeing more of here. The important thing is that I want to pray, and in no small measure.
Smooth stone #3: Community. I'm not meant to do much alone. God knew this about me. I don't have to drag a village behind me, but I do need at least a faithful few to go in with me on this big ticket item. Three days a week I share meals with the Beloved Community. We are nourished, not just by the delicious, healthy foods we eat, but by the love at the table. Will almost always prays over the food, and he keeps it simple: we give thanks, including for the love around the table, and ask God to bless the food. Amen. The love feeds us as much as the food. I also need the fellowship of Overeaters Anonymous. God had a plan when he sent me there. I had no idea! I'm grateful for his wisdom, because I'm finding astounding love and support. Again, I can't do it alone. And God knew it.
Smooth stone #4: Food and Moving. I'm learning to "let go and let God." I don't have to be all crazy when it comes to food. The problem is, I have been crazy with my eating habits, and it hasn't worked for me. I used to call myself crazy all the time--wore crazy like a badge of honor. I played the fool until I was a fool, and not the good, holy kind. Then I heard Tyler Perry say a line in Madea's Family Reunion. Seriously! He can get deep! He said, as Madea, "It isn't what people call you that's important. It's what you answer to." I realized that I didn't have to answer to crazy. So now I don't. Moving my body is a no-brainer. Walking is bar-none, the easiest form of exercise I've ever done, and the one I've always had success with. So I'm sticking with that. Plus, I love this city. The beautiful sights nourish my soul, even when it is cold. And a few folks about town are cheering me on. I love that.
Smooth stone #5: It's you! Believe it or not, writing all this here helps me keep it before me. It gives me a built in set of accountability partners, who don't judge me. I'll also be journaling in a book, including using art, just for me. I know I have an audience here, and it's not only people I know. So, I need a place that no one sees but me and God, and whoever I invite to take a peek--just a peek! Somethings are just too delicate and precious for the net. But I'll be sharing some things from that journal, because I want to. I love y'all like that. :)
The last thing that stood out to me in Wednesday first reading, was that when David spotted Goliath, the kid ran to meet him. He was eager for victory. I identify with this. I am eager to kick diabetes butt! And that has me running to meet my giant, big, bad circumstance.
"Putting his hand in his bag [the Shepherd's bag], he took out a stone and slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead; the stone penetrated his forehead and he fell on his face to the ground."
Only one stone was needed to knock Goliath down. I don't know which stone it will be, so I'm taking them all, and waiting for God to move me, and use my actions to deliver this Philistine into my hands.
"Then David ran and, standing over the Philistine, seized his sword and drew it from the scabbard, and with this he killed him, cutting off his head."
This is a sobering image. I can't help but wonder if I'm not meant to cut off the head of a lifestyle that is killing me, to obtain true freedom in Christ. I mean kill it. No turning back.
Lord, have mercy.
So didn't want to take a picture today. I can't believe I said I'd do that!