Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I Really Can't Stay! Baby, It's Cold Outside!

I've got to go away!
Baby, it's cold outside.
The evening has been, so very nice.

Brrrr! And hello, lovies! Mercy! Has it been a whole two weeks since I've blogged? Well, I don't have to tell you that I'm too COLD over here in sexi Lexi to blog. Or go places. Or do anything but suffer and count the days til spring. In a deep depression. That hurts my muscles, too!

Oh, lovies, the endless fall, so full Sunday dinners on the deck of Third Street House, until deep in November seduced me, and made me believe that I'd actually have a mild winter. Apparently nobody is having a mild winter. In fact, people who aren't even supposed to have winter at all are having one this year. My poor sister Carly must have been pretty shocked when snow fell in her beloved Daytona Beach, FL, which truly sucks.

Are you keeping warm where you are?

Which reminds me of the song, Baby It's Cold Outside. "I really can't stay. (Baby it's cold outside), but no, I mean I really, really can't stay. I'm just popping in tonight because I was at the computer anyway, wrapping up X3. I know. I've been saying I'm almost done with that book forever, but really. I'm totally almost done. Publishing has brought, once again, a few surprises into my life, like X2 being released in mass market instead of trade paperback. This is good news, especially for broke folks who are already having trouble scoring the cash to buy books, but it does mean the release date is pushed back until the fall. :( So now, I'm hustling big time to finish X3 because I need the moolah, baby! My paycheck got moved to the fall, too! But it's all good. God will provide. He always does.

And speaking of changes that require moolah. I'm moving. No, I'm not being put out, thank you very much, but I'm afraid The Little House isn't the best place for our family right now. Remember the house of hospitality we found that I told you about? Well, the first people who'll receive hospitality there is the Burney family. Yep. We're moving into it, and that's about all I can deal with at the moment. If you would be so kind, please pray that God will make his plans for a house of hospitality for the ladies of the night, or anyone else he'd like for us to receive as him, clear. I can't help but believe he hasn't forgotten this ministry he called us, too. But there are so many delays as he prepares it, and us to carry out his will. Carly isn't here yet. Lisa is doing the tea shop soon, and Ken is busy trying to secure an internship at a local tattoo shop. And we're moving, for the second time in what will be six months. I don't want to plan things to death, but apparently, the ministry isn't ready to be born, and planning for a good delivery seems like a wise thing to do, but first, finish the novel that will provide for my family. Because, after all, I am a writer, too. God has given me the grace to be such a winsome thing, and I probably--hopefully--always will be a gal who has to put it all in words. But I can't say I don't still wrestle with my vocations, often violently pitting them against each other. Social justice, versus penning pretty words. You'd be surprised how vicious the battle can rage in my mind. Pray for me!

Also, the winter blues has hit me. S.A.D. is full blown now, with all it's sorrow, and sleepiness, and aching joints and bones. Well, the aches come from fibromyalgia, but it all feels the same: awful. Everything is a battle. I've been wanting to make art. Can't. Wanting to get focused on the protocol to help me beat fibro, only to find that the plan I'd been getting into has been discredited. I was working on my weight, and even lost five pounds, until Ken bought those orange Hostess cupcakes home, and now, I'm a diet failure. At least I am tonight. But it ain't over! This fat lady ain't singing yet! And tomorrow is another day. At least I'm doing my work, and that says a lot, considering how I'm feeling.

Sometimes, I think I want to write a book about learning this "little way" St. Therese, Dorothy Day, and Mother Theresa spoke so often about. It is a way of doing really micro-moves with great love. It doesn't take a miracle to do a tiny thing. Nor does it take a tremendous amount of will. Just a little mindfulness and consistency. Why is it so hard for me to remember that? Micro move. Love. Keep at it.

Then again, here I am. Blogging because it's important. It's a small thing, but I'm doing it right now, and that beats not doing it. It's only a little after 9 pm. I can still go to bed early, a small thing, but it will make a huge difference in my pain level, and my day tomorrow. I've cleared the elliptical trainer of coats. Five minutes after prayer tomorrow could be the beginning of an exercise practice that can grow from five to ten minutes, to half hour three times a week, that will be enough to change my body. And we don't only have cup cakes. We have blueberries, and strawberries, and honey dew melon, and I can make a better choice for breakfast. We even have Kashi cereal, and lovies, it's starting to look good.

Despite the drop in mood, and pain in my body, my soul feels hopeful. Spring will return, or at least the normal winter temps that are more bearable than like, eleven degrees! And in a month, I'll be moving into a home that will be my very own. I can't help but thing that God has that plan to prosper me and give me hope and a future Jeremiah speaks of, and oddly so many people have reminded me of that scripture lately. I'm going to cling to it, seeing them all as little messengers from the Lord. And since I'm at it, let me be that messenger to you, my dear reader:

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Mwah! Stay warm, and yak at ya soon. When, I don't know.


MaryAnn M said...

i missed you. prayed for you. was hopin that He'd drop some sunshine in your soul.
micro-moves, good concept...one micro move pasted onto another, repeat...equals PROGRESS.
you always have a choice...there are always two trees to choose from.
cupcakes vs blueberries...
bundle up...keep yourself warm...Spring really IS coming. <3

ragamuffin diva said...

I missed you, too, MaryAnn. :) Thanks for stopping in.

Kay Day said...

I've been missing you. Here and on FB.
I've had to start PT and I'm learning the lesson of micro moves. Sometimes a bigger motion is too much and blows everything all to... well, you know where.
Do the next thing, Elisabeth Elliot said. Big or micro, whatever God sets before us. Do it. and then the next.
I don't know... I'm rambling. But I really need to feel that the small things are worth while because they are all I'm capable of these days.
Praying for you. Praying that in the midst of the dreary God will make your heart GLAD.

GailNHB said...

oh, my sister, the small moves make all the difference. you have moved, accomplished something, made a good choice for yourself - and it feels great. five minutes, then ten, then ten again, then five, then fifteen. you are moving. it all counts.

I hope and pray that the move goes well, smoothly, and that you and your family love your new place. sounds like you need the change.

peace to you, girl.
stay warm as best you can!