Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Happy New Mercy

Yesterday was terrible, and that's really all I want to say about that. But I will add how remarkable it is that a day full of hope can also be a harrowing day of stress and high octane anxiety. And surprising anger. We made it to Lexington after midnight. I cried a little when I finally found myself in Lisa's arms. I did not go inside of The Little House. Instead I came to Lisa's, which is home in every sense of the word to me. Or maybe Lisa is home. I'm not sure, but it really doesn't matter.

Despite my many blessings, I ended up crying myself to sleep. And isn't that how life is? Joy mingles with sorrow, and often we feel sorrow most deeply. I finally fell into a fitful sleep around four a.m. I woke up at six.

And here I am, in this quiet house, where the only sound I hear are crickets outside and the soft din of appliances. The sun is rising on W Third Street, washing the sky in baby blue. Like it always does, light dawns. God hears my prayer, "Lord, I'm sorry," and the other prayers I whisper in this morning, prayers like, "Lord, I'm thankful." Mercy was already waiting for me when I rose, and I'm sitting with her, and a cup of tea, and you.

I am thankful for this morning. Today I am 45 years old. I have far too many gray hairs to be such a sprightly lass, and too many wrinkles around my eyes. Don't get me started on my mid-section and epic behind. There are many years of failure behind me, but mercy has a short memory and bad eye-sight. She doesn't remember my faltering years, and all she can see is my contrite, but grateful heart, and she finds it so very beautiful to behold.

Most years I think about the little treats I want for my birthday. I drop massive hints, and I give to myself as lavishly as my budget will allow. But I have everything I want this chilly September morning. It's hard to even imagine anything lacking. This year for a treat I think I'll simply wear my dress with the butterflies--the one I wore to the Christy Awards. I'll make an effort to remember to watch more sunrises, and savor more moments, be they perfect, or imperfect. I'll spend as much time as I can with mercy; she's a good teacher, and lovely companion. And most of all, I'll trust in the Lord; not in myself, and certainly not in my own righteousness. And I'll say "thank you," when it is proper to do so.

Thank you.

Thank you for sharing this life and journey with me, and the new mercy God grants just because it pleases Him to share them with us every single morning.

I love you so.



Heidi Renee said...

Oh I love you so and it is so good to know that you have landed.

Glad to know you're feeling all of the emotion - the lows and the highs - and allowing for all of it, it makes us full, whole people doesn't it?

Enjoy this birthday Mair, you have earned it! I celebrate you today! Enjoy your new home!

Angela said...

I've been reading your blog for more than four years, and up to now I never had the courage to leave a comment. However, this morning when I read your post I felt moved to break my silence and say thank you for sharing the beautiful lessons from your life that have been a source of nurture and support to me over the last several years.

I also want to say congratulations on your move to Lexington. I pray that your new home will be a place of comfort and inspiration as you step into the next chapter of your life.

Thanks again for being the wonderful woman that God created you to be.

Nedra said...

Wow, Mair, you remind me of myself. I get pretty reflective, too, on my birthday. Maybe it's a human thing. I pray it's a blessed one and that you'll all thrive in your new space.

PatriciaW said...

Happy birthday, Claudia. May you have many more blessings and new mercies.

Katy McKenna said...

You are there now....rest in His mercy! And have the most content of birthdays, reveling in the butterfly dress. Many continued blessings to you and your fam, Claudia~

Mary DeMuth said...

You are there! And as always, in His arms.

Alison Strobel Morrow said...

Happy belated birthday, my friend. I'm so happy for you that you're HOME. Let the new life begin!

(And hey, my parents' place finally sold today! Thank you for your prayers!!!!)

Joni said...

I'm so happy for you, I can't even express it in words. I know that God has great things in store for you and your family.

One more birthday...another opportunity to reflect on His blessings and look forward to what He has for you in the next year!

Dee S. said...

Girl, girl, girl...Happy Blessed Birthday! You know I'm loving on you and praying for you.

One thing that gets me through is Donald Lawrence's Encourage yourself. That song does something for me.

I want to see that butterfly dress. ;)