Friday, Third Week of Lent '09: The Gathering and the Scattering

"He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters." Luke 11:23

Look at us, lovies! We've made it to the half-way point between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday! I suspect it's gone like much of the spiritual life. We've gathered, and sometimes we've scattered.

We like to mull over the gathering days, when our commitment is strong and sure. Ash Wednesday was a gathering day. For the most part. I've had several of those, and I believe our Good, Loving Father honored my efforts to make Him more important that food, and cola. And He honored every moment I spent trying to learn, pretty much on my own, to pray the Divine Offices. Every form of alms I gave He blessed. He's pretty good that way.

Let's face it. You don't have to observe Lent. No one is going to come to your house and check to see if you've given up something you don't need, increased something you do, or are walking the way of the cross with Jesus. For Catholics, it's a private devotion. We're asked to fast and abstain on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, but the rest is up to us.

I gave up red meat for Lent. I had it once, when I ate what was lovingly set before me. My kind host didn't know I was going meatless. I had it again, when I became ill and no longer prepared my own meals. When I was well again, I had a particularly self-pitying, faithless day and ate a BLT with my hubby. I also gave up soda. I had a soda with that BLT. I think, in fact, I had two. And I felt horrible, but it is what it is.

I suspect that, like my spiritual life in ordinary time, the Lent journey is just that: a journey. There are times we walk with all the swagger in us. And times when we slouch toward Jesus bone weary, and maybe with an attitude. I've noticed it's hard to look my sins, I mean truly. I find ways to take the sting out of the word, but sin is an ugly little thing, isn't it? Though it can pretend to be pretty and shiny. And I don't do myself any favors when I pretend it isn't what it is.

Sometimes I'm weak. Sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes my heart is hard as stone. Sometimes, instead of gathering the things of God to me, I'm tossing them out of my sight, carelessly, foolishly. And when I look around and see nothing but emptiness around me, I wonder where all the goodness that was just right here has gone. Scattering sucks, even if, for a season, it seems like a lot of fun.

So what do you do if you've had chocolate, or cola, or over-eaten? Of if you've refused to give when you could have? What if you were short with your kids, or insensitive to your spouse? What if you did something you'd hoped you were done with, like had sex with your boyfriend? Or looked at porn again? What do you do with your big ol' sin?

Or what if you didn't do anything wrong, but you could have done right a little better than you did? What if you got weary doing well? What if you're doing great, but are proud of it?

I'll tell you what you do, what every sinner who became a saint did: get honest with God, and honest with yourself. If you are Catholic or Orthodox, go to confession. Don't try to clean it up, or make yourself look good. Let it out, and let it go. If you are Protestant, um, go to confession. It won't be look like it does when I'm before a priest, but it should look like it does when you go to a trusted brother or sister and say, "I'm struggling here." Choose someone who will love you, won't judge you, and who'll help you be reconciled to God. Deal with it, lovies. We don't do ourselves any favors feeling bad about ourselves and doing nothing. There is too much love in God to stay away because we're human. Let the first thing you gather be your "stuff," and take it to Jesus.

I was so comforted when in my readings I came open this simple statement: Often [God] is most active when He seems far away (Fr. Benedict Groeschel). Yeah, it's not rocket science, but I was glad to hear it.

The scripture I shared today wasn't the reading for today, but I thought it'd be good, half-way through, to talk about how in this Lenten journey I've both failed and achieved, gathered and scattered. I'm hoping we can take courage from one another. Those who have been more disciplined, share something in the comments that will strengthen your brothers and sisters. Those who have faltered, remember that you aren't alone, and we can always begin again. God really does have mercy.

Like I said, you don't really have to observe Lent, but if you do, there are so many gifts you receive. Every time you say 'no' to your flesh, you say 'yes' to God, and it's just good to deny yourself a little something. Don't you think?

So be encouraged. We're almost at the Resurrection. But there are crosses, and sometimes you'll find it's hard to bear them. Remember you're not doing any of this alone. It's Christ that's enabling you. You wouldn't even have the desire to please Him if He hadn't given you the grace to feel that. Lean on those everlasting arms.

Much love,
mair-francis
Photo: A Pomo woman demonstrates traditional seed-gathering techniques, photograph by Edward S. Curtis, c. 1924.