Monday, February 23, 2009

Woo Hooo, I'm home!

Hello lovies,

I am back!

So yeah, I went to the hospital, was admitted, and it was all drama, drama, drama. I was given morphine around the clock and had a constant, awful headache. I also had some really bad chest pains Friday night, and had to take a few doses of Nitro, which does what? Give you a really bad headache. I still have a headache! After a few Heparin drips (hey, didn't they recall that stuff???) and some blood pressure regulating--it went higher than it's ever been-- I felt better. The Cardiologist came to see me the next day and told me my heart was completely healthy and there was no need for a stress test because I had one six months ago.

Let that sink in.

Okay, I REFUSED to play the role of hysterical woman, which is what a lot of people expect of women, I'm sad to say. How many women--and not just women, lovies--are told their maladies, which are very real are all in their heads? And please, don't have a history of any kind of mental illness. Forget about it! I won't go into the many adventures in bad medicine I've experienced simply because no one was listening, which later turned out to be really big deals because in general people really can tell when they're sick. Because I was doped up and sick from morphine anyway, and God knows what those heart drugs were doing, I decided to let this battle go in order to win the war.

I've got a plan, and I intend to make a new life happen, Lord, have mercy on my soul (and body). So, all in all, your prayers kept me safe, whatever was done the few days I was in the hospital alleviated the initial crisis. I have a prescription for more Nitro--me and my healthy heart--and I'm going forward to find the real answers to what ails me. I know this: my sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits haven't helped. It will be good to see what changes good dietary, nutrition, and exercise habits bring to my health. I doubt if they'll hurt, but I will be seeking a good doctor. Finally.

Tomorrow, which is the day I said I'd start my dietary and exercise changes, is finally here.

I suppose I have a lot of looking at my life to do, too, which I intend to do prayerfully, and with great love. What surprises me is the anger I'm feeling, and beneath that, the sadness. What have I done with my life? How did I end up in this moment in time, that in many ways is so unsatisfactory? I feel cluttered body, soul, and spirit, and that has to change. The only hold-out for my fabulous new life, with it's many false starts, has been me.

Now, I really need to go boldly. Wanna come?

Usually on Ash Wednesday the blog goes dark and I say goodbye to my blog readers until Easter. This year, I think I'd like to go to Calvary with you. I love Lenten season, almost as much as Christmas. So, we'll walk the way of the cross, you and me, we'll give up something, and take on something, with the goal of drawing nearer to God. We will decrease, and let Jesus increase, and see what God does.

But we'll begin that journey on Ash Wednesday. Today, I've got some business to do with God that is very much about me. Again, Lord, have mercy.

Thank you for your prayers, and much love,


Anonymous said...

I have to say I love this new layout. And I'm so glad your back. I've been gone myself for a while and I'm back to enjoy blogging with you. It will be a joy to go to Calvary with you. Thanks for staying. We shall walk this road together...your bestest

mystele said...

friend, i'm totally with you. i can't wait to continue walking with you and gina.

God's goodness hems us in.

Elysa said...

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. I was praying for you and will keep on, beautiful one!

ragamuffin diva said...

Thanks, E. It's a joy to walk with you, no matter what the journey, and we've had many over the years. Unfortunately, I go "black" for Lent, and my blog look becomes as somber as the season of penance requires. No worries though, after a lil' Easter joy, I'm going pink again. Can't help myself.

And Mystele and Elysa, we're in this in love. Right?

I've got to check out some blogs. I miss everybody!

And thanks to all who wished me well during my hospital stay.

wilsonian said...

Thankful for the health you have today!
I'm working on my health too... and was looking forward to Lent, so I think I'll find good company here :)

Love you.

Anonymous said...

Bless you Godmama :) May we journey together, toward Calvary - with both feet, with our whole hearts.

Love you

Rhonda Jeanne said...

phew! I'm so glad you're home. Wyatt send his love. SMOOOOOOOOOCH! Get weller.