I am back!
So yeah, I went to the hospital, was admitted, and it was all drama, drama, drama. I was given morphine around the clock and had a constant, awful headache. I also had some really bad chest pains Friday night, and had to take a few doses of Nitro, which does what? Give you a really bad headache. I still have a headache! After a few Heparin drips (hey, didn't they recall that stuff???) and some blood pressure regulating--it went higher than it's ever been-- I felt better. The Cardiologist came to see me the next day and told me my heart was completely healthy and there was no need for a stress test because I had one six months ago.
Let that sink in.
Okay, I REFUSED to play the role of hysterical woman, which is what a lot of people expect of women, I'm sad to say. How many women--and not just women, lovies--are told their maladies, which are very real are all in their heads? And please, don't have a history of any kind of mental illness. Forget about it! I won't go into the many adventures in bad medicine I've experienced simply because no one was listening, which later turned out to be really big deals because in general people really can tell when they're sick. Because I was doped up and sick from morphine anyway, and God knows what those heart drugs were doing, I decided to let this battle go in order to win the war.
I've got a plan, and I intend to make a new life happen, Lord, have mercy on my soul (and body). So, all in all, your prayers kept me safe, whatever was done the few days I was in the hospital alleviated the initial crisis. I have a prescription for more Nitro--me and my healthy heart--and I'm going forward to find the real answers to what ails me. I know this: my sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits haven't helped. It will be good to see what changes good dietary, nutrition, and exercise habits bring to my health. I doubt if they'll hurt, but I will be seeking a good doctor. Finally.
Tomorrow, which is the day I said I'd start my dietary and exercise changes, is finally here.
I suppose I have a lot of looking at my life to do, too, which I intend to do prayerfully, and with great love. What surprises me is the anger I'm feeling, and beneath that, the sadness. What have I done with my life? How did I end up in this moment in time, that in many ways is so unsatisfactory? I feel cluttered body, soul, and spirit, and that has to change. The only hold-out for my fabulous new life, with it's many false starts, has been me.
Now, I really need to go boldly. Wanna come?
Usually on Ash Wednesday the blog goes dark and I say goodbye to my blog readers until Easter. This year, I think I'd like to go to Calvary with you. I love Lenten season, almost as much as Christmas. So, we'll walk the way of the cross, you and me, we'll give up something, and take on something, with the goal of drawing nearer to God. We will decrease, and let Jesus increase, and see what God does.
But we'll begin that journey on Ash Wednesday. Today, I've got some business to do with God that is very much about me. Again, Lord, have mercy.
Thank you for your prayers, and much love,