So, last night I'm praying. I believe God is leading me to use the rosary in my devotions, so I've literally spent weeks searching for just the right one. I have the itty-bitty necklace one, but it's really hard to finger those tiny beads. When I have to look fabulous and pray sure, but it's not good fore everyday use. Now, listen. You really don't want me to start thinking too hard about anything. Thoughts turn to agonies when I'm not medicated and it's winter, and this rosary thing was no exception.
Should I get a Sacred Heart chaplet? The Sacred heart has really been meaningful to me, lately. I've even dreamed about it--a God dream, and trust me, I know my God dreams when I have them. Should I get something black that matches...um... everything I wear? I want the beads a good size. What about red? Chaplet of the Holy Wounds. Something dedicated to Divine Mercy. St. Francis? Padre Pio or Our Lady of Sorrows? All of these things touch me deeply.
I was stuck, and not obeying God either.
Last night I got good and sick of myself. I decided to just pray about it.
"God," I lamented, "If you want me to pray the rosary you're going to have to bring one to me. The one you want me to have. And that way I'll know it's from you."
I just prayed this LAST NIGHT! Today the mailman brings me a parcel I didn't remember ordering. And can you imagine??? A ROSARY was in it. It was a surprise gift from my BFF. And she'd ordered it DAYS ago. I'll tell you, that God sure does love us. And He wants us to pray, too! And you gotta love my BFF for being so in tune with The Holy Ghost.
(To my Catholic sensitive friends. I promise I will not worship Mary--who really is mothering me, or have unseemly communications with the saints.)
But I digress.So, yeah, ignore the unruly, willful dreadlocks. The rosary is made of these seeds called "Job's Tears". Man, does that sound tailor made for a sistah, or what? And your can see the back of the crucifix has the Stations of the Cross. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the stations of the cross, in fact, in Wounded Gina walks her own stations, and this is such a tender reminder of the passion of Christ I can enjoy daily now. Is my BFF the freakin' bomb, or what?
Okay, next up, I got my big, crazy, kitschy Sacred Heart of Jesus shirt. I told you I was really feeling that Sacred Heart thing, and yeah, maybe I'm known for excesses. And this is truly excessive. If this isn't a bipolar moment purchase I don't know what is.
I got it off Ebay. Came all the way from Thailand. It has that random weirdness that comes from foreign objects--and I don't mean the kind that lodges uncomfortably in your eye. What you can't see--and brothers, please don't try to determine the size of my tatas. I have very unimpressive breastuses. God gave me a lot, but He didn't give me that--anyway, it has these weird letters and designs that look like money but don't really spell anything. Or look like money, even. And could somebody, ANYBODY tell me why Jesus has so may hands! And what's that on his forehead? Did I make a mistake and get the Sacred Heart? Third Eye Chakra of Jesus combo shirt? I don't understand the symbolism here! Is this a cultural thing? Did somebody mix Kali with the Sacred Heart of Jesus??? Juxtapose some kind of Hindu thing on my sweet Jesus! Is this shirt from the devil? And I forgot to tell you, the WORST thing about it is that it smells weird. Like gasoline or something. What the heck kind of paint is this???? It feels rubbery and strange and I keep thinking any minute I'm going to burst into flames, and I don't mean tongues of fire that precedes heavenly languages flowing from my mouth. Are there issues with the safety standards in Thailand? The smell is making me kinda SICK! Is this some kind of plot to eliminate Christians. T-shirt poisoning! I'm going to be a fashion martyr! Okay, I know, I'm already a fashion martyr, otherwise I wouldn't be caught dead in this shirt. But I won't get to be a saint for dying like that! Lord, have mercy on my Sacred Heart of Jesus lovin' soul.
And worse still, I have to admit. This shirt is so bizarre, that it strangely appeals to me. I feel like I'm wearing a big icon. No, I feel like I AM a big icon. A wildly unfamiliar one I hope is not accursed, albeit, but I meant well when I ordered it. Not a trace of mockery about my purchase. Honestly. And I do like it. If it is damned, I only paid ten bucks for the insane thing.
You can't see this, but Jesus is also on both my arms, so when I pose a certain way, it looks like I'm wearing Sacred Heart triplets. Some weird, The Son, and The Son, and The Son Trinity. And Jesus is on my back. Now there's a metaphor that may be useful, if I could only survive the fumes.
Other than that, I got a few bills and direct mail offers, but all and all, it really was a big Catholic mail day.
And as an aside: I called a local priest about RCIA classes this morning, and found out their parish doesn't offer one until the fall. The Religious Education direct, who called as I blogged, said, "You can try another parish. SACRED HEART may have a class available sooner."
"Sacred Heart, huh?" I said, thinking how God really does move in mysterious ways.
I think not!
Pax et Bonum!