Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Missing Daddy


My daddy died in February, and even now, there are so many times I wish I could talk to him. Nobody loved me like my daddy. It wasn't perfect love, but it was daddy love and nobody calls me baby in quite the same way he did, or makes it okay for me to be his little girl.

Sometimes I read things and I want to call him share and talk about it. Once, when I couldn't find my keys and Ken got mad at me for losing ANOTHER set, I prayed that Jesus would help me find them. To be honest I asked St. Anthony for some intercessory prayer on this matter, as well as St. Anne. I heard they're prayers are helpful when you lose things, especially important things. And since I'd gotten so chatty soliciting the prayers of people who were in heaven, I went ahead and asked Daddy to talk to Jesus about it, too. Ha! St. James! I don't think the Holy Spirit would have gotten them mixed up--the more the merrier! You can't have too many friends in high places. I just knew he'd tell the Lord, "She's kind of a goofball, but she gets it from me. Will you please help her find those keys, Jesus?"

Not that Jesus needs help hearing our prayers. I just think We belong to each other, on earth as it is in heaven. And praying for one another is what we do.

I did find my keys! And before Ken had to change the locks. AGAIN. I think those prayers were instrumental in touching Ken's heart, too. I'm telling you, that man was not gonna let me have any more keys!

Yeah. I miss Daddy.

Lots of times I've wanted to ask him about all of this Catholic stuff. He was Catholic once, and he missed it, but he didn't like all the Latin. I'll bet I could tell him how a part of me feels like I'd be betraying my Orthodox friends if I switched, but I'm certain, CERTAIN, he'd give me the assurance that God wouldn't be mad at me for wanting to serve Him better. He'd see my heart in this. He wouldn't think this was more restless wandering.

I think he'd give me permission. He'd tell me to follow where Jesus and my heart led me. I think he'd let me know that life is too short to get caught up in minutiae, and if being Roman Catholic floats my boat, then do it, because the water gets rough.

But still, it would feel so good to hear his take on all this. This man who despite his drug habit, made sure he and my mother had me baptized shortly after coming home from the hospital (I was a preemie, and stayed six weeks, until my weight went up to five pounds). And here's the irony, I was baptized Roman Catholic. Don't think the humor of that is lost on me.

Grace and peace,
mair

8 comments:

Rachelle said...

Mair, you're making ME miss your daddy. How awesome to have had such a wonderful man in your life, and all the memories. I like the way you can think about your current dilemmas and know just what your daddy would have said.

I never had a daddy like that, and I miss him... the him that never was. My heart has started to heal by watching my own daughters with their wonderful daddy. Somehow, knowing they have that precious gift that I never experienced makes things seem alright.

Thanks for sharing your story and your "missing." I'm right there with you.

Joni said...

It is so true that no one can take our "daddy's" place.

I think God is drawing you to a new place.

P.S. After making the invitation to go to St. Raphael's together sometime, I realized...it's an all-white (for the most part) parish. Sorry I didn't think about that. (I'm a little slow about these things sometimes.) In any case, I'll be in Mich. for the holiday next week. Could it be possible to meet up????

Anonymous said...

wait a second-- you were Baptized in the Roman Catholic Church?!? then (drumroll)... you ARE-- and always WERE-- Catholic, my silly sister! you just need to make your First Holy Communion; although, if you've already received the Sacrament in the Orthodox Church, i *think* you may just go ahead and receive in the RC church without fanfare. my advice: get thee to a RC Priest! i really don't believe you're as far from the Church as you may think...

by the way, my earthly father had a reconversion to his Faith toward the end of his life; he even began to pray his Rosary again, which scandalized me as i was a fundie at the time. ;-)

dead dads, whether they were good or bad, have a way of causing us to re-focus, don't they?

"Eternal rest give unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. Amen."

in Christ's love,
www.myspace.com/donna_ellis

Jennifer L. Griffith said...

I know what you mean about missing your Daddy. I lost mine when I was 18...he was 46. I've thought of him often lately, and yearn for the time I've missed with him, even before he died. I think of how proud he would've been when I graduated from his alma mater four years later. How his face would've lit up at the sight and presence of his 3 grandchildren my siblings had. How my inner character might have been different if he had not been deathly ill from the time I was nine. How our relationship could've grown as I matured into a woman, no longer afraid of death for him or me.

He lived longer than he should've because he LOVED his wife and children, and for that I am thankful, but I do still feel a bit gypped. If you know what I mean.

But a good daddy is a hard find. I am blessed and thankful for the years I had with him. My Abba Father now fills that void, and promises a reunion in heaven for those who believe.

I do believe!

Marie4thtimemom said...

I remember your entry from February after your Dad passed. I'm so sorry for the heartache that's still (and always will be there.) I'm sending you a cyber-hug from Massachusetts!

Hey now here's a thought - you could prayerfully ask Jesus to give a message to your Dad, (rather than vice-versa), that you really miss him and think of him all the time down here on earth. I bet you He would ~ He is the Compassionate One. You are the one who wrote (back in 2004) that when we cry, His tears fall to earth with ours....I find that oddly comforting.

Elysa said...

No wise words...just sending a cyber hug your way.

Love you, Mair!

I know your Daddy must be so proud of you.

ragamuffin diva said...

Aw man! I'm sitting here in a bed and breakfast in Fr. Wayne, Indiana crying because y'all are so sweet to me.

You can't begin to know what you mean to me.

Love ya mucho!

Ashley Weis said...

Hey! Just stumbled across your blog from Chip's site... it's so beautiful to see people so transparent in their emotions, one of my favorite ways to be. God really uses people like that. So thank you for your words!

And about being Catholic, or Orthodox, or whichever denomination.... I don't think the denomination matters so much as the heart. As long as your heart is set on our beautiful Lord, and desires nothing more than to drink Him in every day, and love Him in all that you do, who cares about the religion?

This entry caught my eye because my parents are Catholic, and I am not, and they seem to hold that against me often... but you know... My heart desires nothing more than to walk closely behind the feet of Christ.

So, if you want to be Catholic, be Catholic... Orthodox? Be Orthodox... but more than anything, it isn't the religion's title that makes a difference, it's where your heart is...

:O) In Him,
Your sister, Ashley