Monday, October 01, 2007
Okay, so right now my entire life resembles this flower. And that ain't good. I get the whole thing about to everything there is a season...
turn, turn, turn.....
But it isn't much comfort when seasonal changes make you feel less than human. My strongest urge right now is to hibernate. That wouldn't be a problem if I were a bear, but alas, I'm not a bear. I am a woman. With kids. And a cranky husband. And I'm on a deadline for novel number six.
I don't know how much I'm going to blog. I felt fine when I did Camy's interview, but somewhere along the way I became a sad (literally seasonal affective disordered) person who's greatest ambition is picking out what pajamas to wear. If I can get out of said pajamas within two days I am highly accomplished. I can hardly recognize myself now from the self I was just a few short weeks ago.
And the snow hasn't even hit the ground.
It will take all I have to finish the novel and... um... stay awake. The fatigue I feel right now is numbing. I'm making an effort to stay close to Jesus by keeping the divine hours. I will likely fail miserably at this. But I'm going to try.
I need prayer roots. Something solid and ancient to order my life and time. Pray for me as I learn to pray. Sounds funny doesn't it, but I need those prayers, lovies, yours and the divine offices.
I also am smack dab in the middle of a huge spiritual crisis, the likes of which I haven't seen for three years. I have no idea where I'm going to land. I'm trying to take it slooooooow, but it's an aching, hurting place. And I don't like to hurt anymore than I already do.
And speaking of hurt. The novel I'm working on is called Wounded. It's for David C. Cook. It's about a young black woman who receives the wounds of Christ. Is it real? Or is she crazy? Man, have I asked myself that question a LOT in this life. It's about suffering, and what that does to a soul. Can a person really have a vocation to suffer? Doesn't sound like a very post-modern idea, does it? What would that look like now? How will it effect the suffering person, and those around her? Does Christ want us to suffer for Him? With Him? That's what my character Gina is about to explore.
So, I may or may not be here much. We shall see. I'm praying for the grace to be here, but you should know that when it's bad, it's really bad. And it's bad. If I have to take most of my energy to survive, I will. I have to.
But I love y'all. I truly do. I'll be praying for you.
pax et bonum!
p.s. more on the Franciscan thing later. I think I've decided on the lay monastic order I want to be a part of. Stay tuned for the big reveal, even if it takes a minute for me to tell you.