Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I Didn't Wanna Do it!!!!

But I did.

I, too, my friends, am going into the dark night with Jesus. That burst of repentance a few days ago kicked started something good in me. I am facing my sinfulness in this season of repentance, and looking to the passion of Christ--and I don't mean the movie! I mean the horror that even Mel couldn't convey of He who created the universe, stipped down to the poverty of being made Man, and finally to the cross where naked, flesh ripped and hanging from his bones, He hung.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me."

It makes giving up meat and dairy products a trifle, doesn't it?

I have to tell you, I have enjoyed regularly blogging for a change. It's been awhile! A long while. I got my own computer back last night. YAY!!!! And I was thinking of how great it would be to share this journey with you. But sometimes, God wants us for Himself alone.

I also recognize my hunger for readers and the love I get here. Too much hunger. And that is sin. When I watched Lisa and Shanna release their blogs to God, I decided I would stay and tell the story! Well, there is a spiritual discipline called "secrecy". Good heavens! Imagine me keeping something to myself. Maybe one day I will share my first Great Lenten journey with you. Only God knows, and He's not telling.

So, I am relinquishing my addiction to you being here whenever I show up. I am shooing you away from the computer, and urging you to look upon the scandalous, terrible beauty of the cross.

You have no need of me. I love you.

Go with God.


wilsonian said...

Love you before and after. Love you in the meantime too.

May you experience the awe your soul craves.

Anonymous said...


Claudia Mair, I can't believe the irony of today's blog. The Lord has been telling me the EXACT SAME THING, and I haven't been paying much attention. Like you, I tend to splash every tiny detail of my spiritual journey into writing (on a bulletin board, not a blog) and am addicted to the attention and response from the others. I rationalize this by calling it "fellowship." Goodness. I check my inbox more than my Bible, and yesterday, (the first day of Lent, which I don't normally observe, being Evangelical) I had a good, long time with the Lord (here I go again....talking about it!) Anyway, I have committed to not missing a day with Him. Each and every time I go before Him and we "get to talkin'," stuff way deep down inside of my heart comes out - and 99% of it is rooted in pride.

I know He wants me spending less time on the computer and more with Him. I know He wants my motives in everything more pure, and not to think highly of myself. I know I eat too much sugar, so just for the "fun" of it, I'm giving up sweets and refined starch for now - each time I get a craving, I have resolved to open the Bible and let it be sweet to my soul. I love Jesus so much....but I tend to unconsciously take Him for granted sometimes, and not attempt to foster more intimacy and committed obedience to His Word.

Sorry for such a long, rambling post -- but I wanted to let you know (FWIW) that God has allowed you to "speak" to me the things I am also reflecting on. Best wishes to you also as you draw near in your faith journey! Now I need to get my butt off the you!!


Rachelle said...

Mair, I am glad you are listening to this call on your life! The Lord spoke to me early, I guess, because I gave up the blog for over two months starting in December and it was a great discipline. I have returned to it feeling much more healthy about it, and more aware of the warning signs that it might be becoming my idol.

Have a wonderful, blessed Lenten season.

Bek said...

giving up meat and dairy for the cross. makes me think of something bill johnson says about "the cost" of following Christ that we talk so much about. the cost? its our pebbles for His diamonds. and mike bickle puts it this way. what is "the cost" of obedience compared to "the cost" of disobedience? good thoughts, today, mair. i, too, am going to the cross today. Jesus is my source. Second commandment flows best out of the first.

CHickey said...

Thank you for today's post.

Joni said...

I can truly relate, Mair. I'm on the Lenten journey. Sometimes, it just needs to be "us and Jesus". I look forward to hearing your Easter story!

God bless, and see you in about 40 days (give or take).

Kristine said...

I hope all is well. I have been thinking about you and wondering how life is treating you...

Connie said...

We call it surrender.
We call it obedience.
We call it submission.
We call it self-abnegation.
We call it self-denial.
We call it repentance.
We call it emptying.
We call it Lent.

And strangely, for me, it is not giving up blogging for is disciplining myself to read and to write. But for each of us obedience is unique.
Bless you,

Joni said...

Missing you, and praying God is walking you through this Lent...teaching you incredible things...

(Loved that quote, Connie!)

Vicki said...

Still love your blog. God bless you on your journey.

D. Gudger said...

I needed your post. I am guilty of spending more time at the Mac than in the Message.

Anonymous said...

When is your 2nd novel coming out and who is the new publisher? Please list this information on your website.