Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Things Change

Sigh.

Okay, I know I haven't been around. A lot of life stuff is happening and sometimes I just crawl up into myself and wait. I don't talk much. A lot of sleeping goes on. I try to talk to God, but nothing much comes out other than, "I'm sorry. Please help me."

I hate it when I don't write here because I always feel like I'm disappointing you. You know, some of you have been with me for years. When I started this blog I wasn't a novelist. I wasn't as sick as I am with the fibromyalgia. Or maybe I just began in a time when I needed to write in a furious, passionate blaze.

I'd like to make another effort. My other blogs have pretty much crashed and burned--we knew they would, didn't we? Anyway, I'm going to take them down and just do the raga-d thing right here. And I've decided not to just stick to the model of doing things as I mostly do them just because I think that's what you want. I'd like to have a few friends come here and talk with you too. I'd like to tell you some big news in my writing career. I'd like to talk about books I like. Maybe even stick some pictures here and let you get to know Ken and the kids a little better. Will you stick around if I don't come here full of angst and pretty words? I can't be deep all the time y'all. That's exhausting.

Now that that's out of the way...

My papa is very sick. He's got lung cancer. We just found out a few weeks ago, but his decline has been so swift that it takes my breath away. Tomorrow I'm going to the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia to be with him. I hope this isn't goodbye for us, but it looks really bad. You can only imagine how deeply sad this is for me. Like with my own child there was this chasm of separation. And then the akward dance of trying to know and love one another. I have this way of loving people, but not always letting them know it. And now I'm full of regrets because I should have called. Love is not just in what you feel. I knew that, and still I didn't do much about it. I'm going to try to love a little better. Pick up the phone. Go on the trip. Be there to IM. Go out to lunch. Have the freakin' party! And that for all the ones I love. We really don't have time. Not at all.

So, bear with me. I'll be back with some changes, and the other blogs will be gone. Also, my computer is at Best Buy. I'm pretty hard on them. It needed four different repairs. I won't get it back for another three weeks. Gonna be quite over here in raga land.

A few more things: I'm no longer with NavPress. Death, Deceit, and Some Smooth Jazz will not release as expected, but I'm moving to another publishing house. I'll tell you more when the contract gets signed. Stay with me y'all. Bell Brown will live again, but you may not see her until 2008. I promise you'll still love her, and all that Jazz. And the Exorsistah is moving there, too. And a memoir!

I love y'all. Pray for my daddy. I'll catch you later. God watch between us.

Mair

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Claudia, I am a book reviewer who just finished reading Death, Deciet and Some Smooth Jazz. It was a pre-release by Navpress. Your book impressed me so much I had to find out more about you. The news that this book may not be released for another year is sad. Your characters are so real and engaging! I also appreciate how you boldy took on the issue of sexual temptations in the lives of believers. Additionally, I love how your characters are not perfect figurered chicks whose lives are near perfect. I love Amanda and plan to write a smokin' review for titletrakk.com.
I also love your blog and hope to return.
Blessings!
Darcie

ragamuffin diva said...

Thanks, Darcie! Welcome to raga-d. Hope you come often, and thanks in advance for the smokin' review. Send it to me when you finish.

Joni said...

Mair,

Sounds like there are lots of transitions going on in your life right now...some good, some bad. I will pray with you for your dad. I will also pray that God will work all things for your good...

You're in my prayers always, dear sister.

Joni said...

Mair,

Sounds like there are lots of transitions going on in your life right now...some good, some bad. I will pray with you for your dad. I will also pray that God will work all things for your good...

You're in my prayers always, dear sister.

Candy said...

Personally, I think the changes sound incredibly interesting. I'm just desperate to read anything you've written. It DOES NOT have to be deep or pretty - just real and you're all about that. I'm excited about the blog and all your book news (except the fact that I won't be reading you again until 2008 which severely depresses me. How I miss Bell Brown.) I'm so sorry to hear about your daddy and I will pray for him and for your visit to be healing and full of love and light. And I'll pick up the phone and call my own parents who I am not very good about calling. You've inspired me once again. Thank you. Don't worry I'll be here when you get back. Love you Mair.

Alison Strobel Morrow said...

You write whatever your little (no, BIG) heart desires. You can make a shopping list poetic; you don't always have to dig deep and bare all for the online world. I'm praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy that we may see and hear a bit more from you and about you (all of you, not just the emotional and deep stuff!).
I hope that I get to see your beautiful face more often, also. (I loved having lunch the other day!)
I am praying for your trip. Even if your daddy isn't able to respond to you, I'm sure he will hear you and know that you are present.
love you always,
lori

Anonymous said...

I loved Death & Deceit, as you know. I'm so sorry for your daddy. My prayers are with both of you. Don't live with regrets, girl. Give them to God. Here's a big cyber hug going out to you.

Joni said...

Just be "YOU", dear friend. That's all we ask! :o)

Hugs.

Marie said...

Hi Mair,

(I know your real name is Claudia, but you prefer Mair, don't you?) This is Marie who wrote you about God Calling. Thanks for your e-mail....would love love love to chat more when you get back to "normal" at home....I am so, so sorry to hear about your father. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate health-wise too. Your writing is so lovely and inspiring; I didn't know you had other blog spots but I'm happy to hear you're leaving this one up. I love perusing your old entries - it's like reading someone's diary (heh, heh) and finding, to my delight, that that "someone" and I have a lot in common as to how we see the world and relate to the Lord...our compassionate Abba Father.

Love ya, and will pray for you. Thanks for opening up your world to us!

Anonymous said...

May the God of peace be upon you during these transitions. I recently heard Joseph Garlington say that when God closes a door, he opens another, but it's hell in the hallway. I pray your hallway is short, the keys are already in your hand and the scent of fresh baked....... is on the other side. I am happy to have found your blog.

Alex Rider said...

i'm praying for your Dad and I can't wait to read your new books.

Amy Wallace said...

Mair,

Whatever and whenever you write I'm signed on for the ride! Your words speak Jesus to me.

Praying for you and your daddy. Thinking that maybe I need to make more of an effort to show my love to both my parents too.

Love and prayers,
Amy

bobbie said...

i was so moved by this when i read it the first time i couldn't even comment claudia mare. you have been in my thoughts and prayers all week.

how are you doing?

so many things i want to tell you. you NEVER disappoint me. ever.

i am so sorry navpress doesn't have the stones to be anything other than novel-lite... i am so sickened by this.

i have been praying for your daddy and for you heading south. i'm wondering since your blogs have republished if you're back home now.

i have your number and would love to talk - sometimes that phone is so hard for me to pick up - but i'm gonna try girlfriend. you're in my prayers!

Tiffany said...

Thanks for the update. I look forward to the changes in your blog. Thank you for being real about life and your dad. May the Lord shine His face upon you in 2007.

Kristine said...

Thinking of you, sending prayers your way and feeling full of hope for all of the things that are to come...

Amy A. said...

You blog whatever you like, Mair. I love reading here and look forward to pictures and everyday life from you.

Bek said...

good to have you back. would love to see pics of ken and the kids and get to know you better, without you feeling like you have to "be deep" or dress up for us. come as you are. and i bless your trip with your dad. Your FATHER is near.

eileen said...

Love you! Praying too. God is good, all the time!

Melanie said...

Mair, I'm so happy for you. Your life, your writing, and just YOU inspire me. And publishing houses can't get in the way of what Jesus wants folks to hear. He'll always win. I love you!

Anonymous said...

Claudia, I am so sorry to read about your Dad, and since this is now March Iam not sure what has happened since then....I have been searching for your Amanda Bell #2 book and ended up here. I was soooo disappointed as my sister (her name is also Claudia) could not put down your first book. I finally found a book that made it "real" what believers sometimes go through - temptation, guilt over past sins, and simply grace! I identified with Bell (I love her so I can call her that) and Jazz.
Anyhow, this is longer than I anticpated. Please be encouraged to keep on writing and serving God. He knows your every desire and promises to give you them as you delight yourself in Him. Be blessed Claudia!
Yolando (Brampton On)