Okay, I know I haven't been around. A lot of life stuff is happening and sometimes I just crawl up into myself and wait. I don't talk much. A lot of sleeping goes on. I try to talk to God, but nothing much comes out other than, "I'm sorry. Please help me."
I hate it when I don't write here because I always feel like I'm disappointing you. You know, some of you have been with me for years. When I started this blog I wasn't a novelist. I wasn't as sick as I am with the fibromyalgia. Or maybe I just began in a time when I needed to write in a furious, passionate blaze.
I'd like to make another effort. My other blogs have pretty much crashed and burned--we knew they would, didn't we? Anyway, I'm going to take them down and just do the raga-d thing right here. And I've decided not to just stick to the model of doing things as I mostly do them just because I think that's what you want. I'd like to have a few friends come here and talk with you too. I'd like to tell you some big news in my writing career. I'd like to talk about books I like. Maybe even stick some pictures here and let you get to know Ken and the kids a little better. Will you stick around if I don't come here full of angst and pretty words? I can't be deep all the time y'all. That's exhausting.
Now that that's out of the way...
My papa is very sick. He's got lung cancer. We just found out a few weeks ago, but his decline has been so swift that it takes my breath away. Tomorrow I'm going to the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia to be with him. I hope this isn't goodbye for us, but it looks really bad. You can only imagine how deeply sad this is for me. Like with my own child there was this chasm of separation. And then the akward dance of trying to know and love one another. I have this way of loving people, but not always letting them know it. And now I'm full of regrets because I should have called. Love is not just in what you feel. I knew that, and still I didn't do much about it. I'm going to try to love a little better. Pick up the phone. Go on the trip. Be there to IM. Go out to lunch. Have the freakin' party! And that for all the ones I love. We really don't have time. Not at all.
So, bear with me. I'll be back with some changes, and the other blogs will be gone. Also, my computer is at Best Buy. I'm pretty hard on them. It needed four different repairs. I won't get it back for another three weeks. Gonna be quite over here in raga land.
A few more things: I'm no longer with NavPress. Death, Deceit, and Some Smooth Jazz will not release as expected, but I'm moving to another publishing house. I'll tell you more when the contract gets signed. Stay with me y'all. Bell Brown will live again, but you may not see her until 2008. I promise you'll still love her, and all that Jazz. And the Exorsistah is moving there, too. And a memoir!
I love y'all. Pray for my daddy. I'll catch you later. God watch between us.