Okay, so it's finally August 12. Today is the book signing at Barnes and Noble. It's my local "debut".
This isn't like my signing in Denver. In Denver I was at ICRS, a big, honkin' Christian booksellers and retailers convention. EVERYBODY who is ANYBODY in CBA publishing was signing a book. I would dare say everybody who is NOBODY was also there with their books, signing away. Let's just say I had a captive audience--and four other amazing NavPress authors signing with me.
But this here signing at the Big Noble. It's just little ol' me, underdog.
I spent yesterday in bed mostly, in terrible pain. I woke up this morning and I still have that lingering, bizarre feeling one has after one's body has had a terrible ordeal. It feels like my body is a little confused. I don't hurt as much as I did yesterday, but I don't feel exactly well, either. Last night Ken brought me the movie Therese, about Saint Terese of Lisieux. It was a little bit campy, but it was also very moving to me. I cried a lot.
This morning I'm thinking of God's little flower Terese, and the book signing at the Big Noble, and the fact that my very own mother just called and cancelled!!!! It's okay really, she's not feeling well, and come on, is this really a big deal? I'm thinking about the fact that I really don't want to go myself, that I could use another day to rest in bed. I'm thinking about that not so small amount of fear that NOBODY will show up and there I'll be, with a pasted smile, horrified that nobody loves me or my book.
That's a lot of pressure to put on a book signing isn't it?
One mustn't look for love at book signings. So, I'm grateful for the movie last night, and even the pain I had. It points to The Little Way.
What is the Little Way?
I'm glad you asked. :O)
The Little Way is how Terese lived her life--a way that would inspire countless souls to live simply for Jesus, including Mother Teresa who took the name of her dear Therese. The little way is not about being big. It's not about celebrity or having legions of fans show up for your book signing. It's about being small. Small like a child. It's about being Matthew 18:3.
Terese, in her spiritual autobiography, The Story of a Soul, says:
This road is the surrender of the little child who sleeps without fear in it's fathers arms. "Whoever is a little one, let him come to me." (Proverbs 9:4). After listening to words such as these...there is nothing to do but to be silent and weep with gratitude and love. Ah, if all weak and imperfect souls felt what the least of souls feel, that is, the soul of your little Terese, not one would despair of reaching the summit of the mount of love. Jesus does not demand great actions from us, but simply surrender and gratitude.
So, I'm taking my rather large self-absorbed insecurities, and putting them in the hands of the kind and gentle Jesus. I'm going to lie without fear in His arms and be content to be small, unknown--a child before Him.
It's okay to be weak and imperfect. I'm going for small today.
Here's a little more Terese for you:
Jesus deigned to teach me this mystery. He set before me the book of nature; I understood how all the flowers He has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose, and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wild flowers.
And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He willed to create great souls comparable to Lilies and roses, but He has created smaller ones, and these must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be.
That's really what I want in the end, to be what God wills me to be. And the more I learn about Him, the less hard it seems. I love that Tozer called God 'winsome'. Isn't that a great word for God--something we often forget? I'm going to go to this signing and just be a little lotus bud. I think that's all God expects of me today: be who I am, and walk in child-like love. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey folks. This entry is on my brand spankin' new writer blog. I thought maybe I should talk about my book stuff somewhere else. Anyway, writers are supposed to have their writer websites... right? You don't know? Me either. We'll just try this out again. See what happens. Okay.
So, for Claudia Mair Burney writer stuff, and all kinds of book reviews and interviews with way cool writers see: claudiamairburney.blogspot.com. Heather is doing some most excellent design work for me. It'll be ret to go soon. I'll check out all you book lovers over there, and keep meeting all you ragamuffins over here.