I've spent this last week trying to recover from my fabulous life in Nashville. I almost got myself a cowboy hat it was so good. If you knew me, you'd know that's real good. I haven't gone cowboy since I wore that prairie outfit I was deflowered in. Darn it! Don't make me remember that.
Anyway, lets get on to holier things.
I've been trying to quiet my mind and consecrate myself this week. Yeah, I know it didn't work, but I tried. I think the Lord will give me a little mercy for the effort.
You see, this week I will confess my sins before a priest. This is a totally not in my previous life thing to do. I will confess my sins before my priest, with the high hopes that God will blot it from his memory immediately upon giving absolution. From the memory of my priest, that is, though I'd be so bold as to say that I hope God doesn't remember them either. They are quite a lengthy list. Thank God Father Leo didn't ask me to write them all down. I don't think I could afford all that paper.
Immediately following I will be Chrismated. I will be taken to the door of the church, where many solemn questions will be asked. Questions like:
Do you desire to be united to the holy orthodox Church of Christ?
And I will reply, "I desire it with all my heart."
And I will mean it, beloved, with all my heart.
Do you believe in one God, glorified and worshiped in the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and do you worship Him as King and God?
And I will say: I believe in one God, worshiped and glorified in Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and I worship him as King and as God.
And I will, beloved, I will, so help me God.
It's like getting married to God, white dress and everything.
Many more lovely things will be said, and truths will be proclaimed, and prayers will be prayed, and I will be anointed with the holy Chrism. Father Leo will anoint my eyes, nose, lips, both ears, breast, hands and feet, consecrating each of the senses to the Lord and saying with each blessed touch: the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit. And the faithful will say: Amen, or maybe they'll say: Seal!
On that fine day, this very Sunday, May 29, 2005, I will be invited as first of the faithful to the table to partake of the body and blood of my sweet Jesus. See, the Eucharist has been lost to protestant, independent me, and I've celebrated it as mere symbol, but it is mystery. Jesus said, "This is my body... This is my blood." Heady stuff. For the first time, I will take this mystery into myself, and I will partake of my Lord; He will be in me, and I in Him. Yes, this is great mystery. This is unspeakable grace.
So, pray for me. I feel like I've lived my whole life for this time. I would crawl on my hands and knees--I would crawl on my belly to taste and see that the Lord is good. (Don't worry. Laike has a lovely Ford Explorer, and that's how I plan to get to church. My white dress will be fine. Maybe a little oily...)
Here is my song to the Lord:
Soul of Christ, sanctify me,
Body of Christ, save me,
Blood of Christ, refresh me,
Water from the side of Christ, wash me,
Passion of Christ, strengthen me,
O, good Jesus, hear me,
Within your wounds, hide me,
Let me never be separated from you,
From the powers of darkness, defend me,
In the hour of my death call me,
And bid me come with you,
That with your saints I may praise you
For ever, and ever. Amen.
-Brother Roger of Taize
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
I'm taking the name of my patron saint, St. Mary of Eygpt. This is why commentor S-P has been calling me Mair. It's a version of Mary. I'll tell you all about her when I return.
I'll be thinking of you. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mair, God's raga