Monday, March 07, 2005

Sales Event

A few days ago I got a sale event brochure in the mail from a Famous Christian Store. I like sales events and catalogs. I shamelessly relish my CBD catalog, every single issue of it, and this FCS catalog is just as fun.

What a great time we live in. The disciples had direct contact with Jesus, and we have Jesus junk. Here are some memorable items I saw.

There's a cross with beads wrapped around it on wire. I like crosses. I like beads. However, the wire wrap managed to create an unsettling product. Are crosses supposed to be pretty--though that would be a very generous description of this particular one. Once I had a little rhinestone cross that didn't work for me because, duh, is the cross supposed to be bling, bling? But that's just me. Call me crazy.

There's a t-shirt that says "He died for me. I live for Him." You gotta love that. It's simple, and has a nice little twist with the contrast. Isn't wearing the t-shirt so much more convenient that being salt and light? I think so.

For people of deep prayer, there is The Jelly Bean Prayer. I couldn't read the prayer from the photo, but I'm certain that if it's anything short of the Lord's Prayer itself, I'd be utterly appalled by it just the same--even if it did come with jelly beans. There's a slogan that I could read on the package. "Scripture Candy: Reaching the world one piece at a time." Take heart emergent Christians, always harping about having relationships. Pass out these jelly beans, and let them do the work!

Max Lucado has come out with another book. I think a new one releases EVERY TWO HOURS!!!!

We should have an award for shameless market saturation. Maybe we can call it, The Pukey! And the award goes to:

Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins for writing a prequel to the apparently endless series "Left Behind." Stay Tuned for the next in the series. Find out what our beloved Rayford and Buck will do during the 1,000 year reign of Christ on earth.

The runner up:

Bruce Wilkinson for Beyond Jabez: Expanding Your Borders.
Hey, thanks Bruce, but our borders got pretty big the first time around. And so did yours.

Finally, my personal favorite product was the children's must have:

The Children's Discovery Bible, complete with a Jesus action figure with MOVEABLE PARTS!!!!!!

I don't know about your kids, but my testosterone driven male children would not use their Jesus action figure with moveable parts to heal the sick or break bread. They'd use their Jesus to break heads! Pow! Bam! Crack! Their little plastic Jesus would have more moves than ex-lax. Every Bible re-enactment they played out would be Jesus driving out money changers, Jesus giving demons a smack down, Jesus giving Judas what he deserves!

But that's just my heathen children. I'm sure your kids would be fine.

What are YOUR favorite products?

Disclaimer: the views of the blogger known as ragamuffin diva do not reflect the opinions of anyone but herself. It's also rumored that she has bipolar disorder. Heck, I wonder if she's even saved! She doesn't have any money either, so don't even think about suing her.


violet said...

Ha! And if you DID have money, I'll bet that store wouldn't get any!

I love the scene you imagine with the Jesus of the movable parts. Reminds me of my nephew's adopted son from Uganda. The summer he was 3 they were here, and he couldn't get enough of "Jesus dying on the Croass" so that he could get another look at those "mean solejars" and then later, of course, act like he was one.

Heather Diane Tipton said...

LOL You had me rolling on the floor with this post. I agree with everything you said.

oh and cuz I'm retarded I did a search...
The Jelly Bean Prayer

Red for the blood He gave,
Green is for the grass He made,
Yellow is for the sun so bright,
Orange is for the edge of night.

Black is for the sins that were made
White is for the grace He gave,
Purple is for the hour of sorrow,
Pink is for the new tomorrow.

Give a bag full of jelly beans,
Colorful and sweet,
Tell them it's a Prayer....
It's a promise..
It's an Easter Treat!

glimpsing gal said...

Ha! This was hysterical and I, too, agree with everything and then some!

And Heather - thanks for doing the search on the Jelly Bean Prayer. You think like I do!

Re: the JB Prayer, may I just say "...EWWWW!!!" Talk about shameless marketing!

bobbie said...

this reminded me of a blog of a young seminary student in minneapolis called 'they will know we are christians by our t-shirts'.

he was putting himself through school working in a jesus five & dime - and it was hysterical!

i love books, esp. christian ones, but i am so thankful for the internet - i haven't had to go into one of those in ages! sick and sad...

how to take a .49 cent bag of jellybeans and sell them for $4.99... (or more...) it's sinful.

Trae said...

I laughed my tail off! Fantastic!

Jaime H. said...


This was just what I needed before going back to studying!!

I got the same flyer and thought some of the same things over some of the same items, but you just made me laugh over it!!!!!




Candy said...

Brings to mind Jesus and the moneychangers for some reason. Not that the location of the sales is the problem, mind you....just what they're selling. I can see His face now.

Gayla said...

Very insightful (as well as hilarious!)

It truly hit me where you said that it was much more convenient to simply wear the t-shirt. Saves us from being actual salt and light in the world.

Zing! I don't wear junk like that anyway, but boy was that a great observation!

I love Max Lucado, but you're right - his books roll off the assembly lines faster that Fords!

markwashere said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
markwashere said...

Rags, you already know you're the bomb, but I just wanted to hang on to the end of this conga line to see if we can get a record going for most comments. I don't know what your "high score" is, but you keep gittin' brillianter and brillianter. Yuh huh! That is TOO a word! My mama SAID it was! Oooh, I'm tellin' my mama you said she cain't spell!!

Larry said...

I was walking past a toy store once and happened to look in the window. Well, not quite happened... I do like toys. I was astounded to see a Jesus action figure there, all bubble-packed and everything.

What can you expect? Where can people go today to meet the real, living God? Churches offer committees and guilt. No one offers the pure, unadulterated Spirit and help in finding out who God really is. We've replaced relationship with numbers and practices.

Relationship is frightening, yes, but it's the only alternative to all the Christian junk. But who will give people an example?

jen lemen said...

oh, thanks for cracking me up. trackback coming your way.