When I was in undergrad school, my teacher told us a story about how she wrote the day she got saved on the front page of her Bible. She said she later crossed that date out, and wrote another, which indicated the day she really got saved. Then she had to do it again, and again. And who knows what revelation she had that's keeping her from still doing it.
Backsliding is a little complicated, isn't it? Are you backslidden if for a season you don't go to church, or don't pray, or don't read your Bible like you're Kay Arthur herself? Are you backslidden when your brain chemistry is a little scrambled, and you feel things you don't understand until the meds kick in? What about when you feel like you're going to kill your teenager?
Once I threw a rocking chair--a whole adult sized rocker, at my husband who'd said something less than flattering to me. I felt badly about it as soon as my rage subsided (many hours later), and I talked to the Lord about it. Was I backslidden? Surely Christian women don't throw furniture at their loved ones. It wasn't a great time in my life, kinda like right now. I had a lot of questions about the state of my spiritual life, and very few concrete answers. I don't really know if I was backslidden. I only know that almost everything hurt, like now.
I'm finding it's not real profitable for me to do what amounts to a lot of spiritual navel gazing. Wherever I am, there I am. Grace seems to follow me now, and it's bigger than the condemnation and guilt that dogged my heels in former days. I'm not crossing out the date that I got "saved" and filling in another. It seems more now, at 40, that I'm on one seemless journey that begin before the foundation of the world, and continues, throughout eternity. I'm in God's story, and He most certainly is in mine, and I can no more comprehend the story's 'real' beginning, anymore than I can comprehend God Himeself.
Nowadays, I hear God whisper in me, "You are here," and He is there, in the midst of my 'here', because He promised never to leave us or forsake us.
That's all I know.
That's enough to take a step of faith, and walk with God.