Who is this Father God?
I loved my daddy. One of my most painful life stories is the separation between my family and I that took place when I was 15 months old. Suddenly, I was placed in the home of another family, and my earliest memory is of loss. But, in my new home, I had loving parents, too. I had a daddy who was the strenght and stability of our home. He loved me completely. Spoiled me rotten, and died before I made it to sixth grade. My biological father didn't fill that big empty space. He made it worse, with his drunken phone calls, empty promises, and endless apologies. He still apologizes to this day. Poor guy. I forgave him long ago. Didn't I?
How I missed a daddy, not just when I was 10, but when I was a teen. I remember going to the mall when I was 15. There were two beautiful girls, shopping and trying on clothes in a boutique. Their poor daddy must have been there for his cash supply, but he was there. He was laughing with them, teasing, and exaggerating his responses to their selections, and I wished I had a daddy to fuss over my clothes. I wish I had one to put the fear of God into my first boyfriend. I wished I had one at age 24 to protect me from the abuser that I loved that tried to kill me. I wish I had a daddy to teach me that I was beautiful, at every stage in this life game that he were with me.
John Dawson,in the Father Heart of God, writes, "I believe that God wanted us to come into this world totally dependent and helpless because He intends the family unit to be a place where His love is demonstrated to both parent and child. As parents we begin to really understand God's heart towards us as His children. And as children, it is God's will for us to see His love revealed through parental tenderness, mercy and dicipline. But what if the ideal did not happen? What if you have been failed in some way by parental authority?"
I add to this, what if your earthy abba was suddely gone? You experienced love, and then love disappeared. Or your earthly abba was unreliable-- a great big love bug that never comes through no matter how clear his intent. Might make you unconsciously guard your heart. Might make you wonder if father was untrustworthy. Might skew your ideas about God, the Father of fathers.
Jesus I know, I say, but, isn't Jesus the looking glass that reveals the True and Living God, our Father. In John 10:30, Jesus tells us, "I and the Father are one." How can I not be utterly devastated by the love of the Father when I look at the person of Jesus. "When you see the me, you see the Father," Jesus reminds me. What I see, even through a glass darkly, is good.
That's what the Father was getting to when He asked me why I didn't believe he'd give me a house. He knew there was still something there that was keeping me from seeing Him clearly. And He wants me to see Him. He wants me to know Him. A house? Not too hard for God. Trust and obey, there's so much more to everything than we can imagine. The longing, it comes from God, and in the end, the fulfiller of longing is He. Oh, brothers and sisters, it makes a woman swoon. "God makes a home for the lonely (Psalms 68:6 NASB). Lord, I qualify. He speaks to my spirit, "A home? You've got home in spades, baby girl--one in Heaven, and an earthly home is not too hard for Me. Trust Me."
I am imagining being on my knees in a lighted room, whispering a prayer into my own clasped hands. I am asking for bread. I am smiling, with my palms warmed by the expanse of fresh bread rising between them. It's fragrance fills the air. My mouth waters, and I taste in it a tiny bit of the bread of life to come. Who says carbs are a bad thing?
Eat to your fill.